My back has been killing me the last two days, and that with my inner exhaustion makes me feel like an old man.

I'm 22, for crying out loud.

But seriously...so many things that are happening to me/around me are making me feel worn down. I'm in a strange place with everything, and the future couldn't be less clear. Maybe Ian's mom was right, maybe I'll die poor and a failure or whatever she said.

But, I'd rather die that way having tried, then just going along with the flow and being a little automiton. I was having this talk with a friend the other day, and she asked me, "Don't you want to be known as the greatest scriptwriter of all time? I want to be the greatest director." The first thing I told her is that I don't want to ever be known as the anything scriptwriter of all time. I don't want to go down in history as a scriptwriter. A writer. Don't just pin scripts to me.

Second thing I told her was "No." I don't think the point is to be the greatest blank of all time. The point is to do what you were meant to do and do it honestly, not for greatness, but because it's why you're here and it's what makes you complete as a person.

As cheesy as it sounds, writing completes me. Making films (whatever aspect) fulfills a part of who I am. I'm smart. I could've gone into math or science. I could've secured something a little more stable, but it wouldn't be right for me.

I often feel like those closest to me don't really believe I have enough talent to do what I want. I am a very paranoid person, but I think there are some of my friends or family who look at me and go, "When will he finally realize that he's a mediocre writer and face reality?"

I hope to God that I never face reality! Do you know how frightening it is to look at reality, see it crushing down on you? But if individuals stop dreaming, our society will fail to progress. Everything that has innovated our world was first a dream. Had any of those dreamers faced reality, imagine what marvels we would be without today. Anything from lightbulbs to the Sistine Chapel.

Dreaming is a part of God. God is a real dream.

Many innovative people died poor. That's not the tragedy. Not living your life the way God intended, not living your life in pursuit of your dreams, that is the tragedy.